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Facebook Shaming

Sue+MoMy friend Sue has made the inexplicable decision to not have a presence on Facebook.  As we live in a tight-knit suburb of San Diego (Tierrasanta – The Island in the Hills), this has become a social liability for her, mostly because she never knows when we are all talking about her on FB.  It has become my mission to drag her into the 21st century and get her to set up a FB page already!

One of her issues is that she feels she has no time for FB.  No time to document her fascinating choices for breakfast or dinner, pass on Home Economics tidbits, keep everyone updated on the accomplishments of her two very accomplished boys, or document her drunken binges at JPs Pub.  I must beg to disagree, because I know for a fact that she now has BUCKETS full of nothing but time.

First of all, her year long obsession with David The Swedish Exchange Student (DaTSES) has finally ended (see my post https://shibumo.wordpress.com/2012/11/27/david-the-swedish-exchange-student-give-me-back-my-friend/).  He has returned to the bosom of his biological family, though he misses San Diego greatly.  Topping his list of things he misses are the beach, the sun, and Sue driving him all over the damn place so he could keep up a social calendar that rivaled Paris Hilton’s.  No David equals more time.

No David

Also, her last child has graduated from elementary school.  She was quite the volunteer queen at our school, with her capable fingers in lots of pies (Yearbook, Art Program, Jogathon, Fall Fest, PTA, yada, yada, yada…).  Here she is, bull horn in hand, directing the peons.


And below, attending a monthly school spirit meeting.  The depth of her devotion really had no END!


But now that that’s all done with now.  Which leaves her what???  MORE TIME.

One thing that hasn’t changed is how much time she has to spend on her hair, but there is nothing to be done about that.  It is kind of curly, just a little bit, and on bad days it takes some effort to get it under control.


The other thing standing between Sue and FB diva status is, to be frank, her attitude.  Sue is kind of old-fashioned.  She has interesting views on “appropriate” attire for married women.


And here she is driving kids to school.

Sue.driving kids

Finally, I think she may be a bit worried that getting on FB might draw her away from her family, that her online presence might detract from her flesh and blood life.  Who is she kidding?  She never sees her family anyway!  Her oldest son has gone feral.


Her younger son has left home to take the helm and corner office in a Fortune 500 company.


And she might not even recognize her husband if she passed him on the street.


I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are really no valid reasons for my friend Sue NOT to be on FB.  To quote Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the occasion of his first inaugural address on March 4, 1933:

“So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days.”


Shrug off your unjustified terror of social media which paralyzes your attainment of a FB page!

Convert your retreat from interconnectedness with your friends and people you haven’t seen face to face in decades into an advance into the digital age!

Give your support to me, your friend Mo, which will be essential for my victory, in these critical days of trying to propel you onto the modern stage.

I am convinced that my friend Sue will give me that support, that she will throw off the shackles of the 20th century to emerge, as pure as a stream of fresh-scrubbed electrons, into the 21st century.

Thank thee for thy time good reader.

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Filed under Facebook Humor, Tierrasanta Tattler