Category Archives: Facebook Humor

Facebook Shaming

Sue+MoMy friend Sue has made the inexplicable decision to not have a presence on Facebook.  As we live in a tight-knit suburb of San Diego (Tierrasanta – The Island in the Hills), this has become a social liability for her, mostly because she never knows when we are all talking about her on FB.  It has become my mission to drag her into the 21st century and get her to set up a FB page already!

One of her issues is that she feels she has no time for FB.  No time to document her fascinating choices for breakfast or dinner, pass on Home Economics tidbits, keep everyone updated on the accomplishments of her two very accomplished boys, or document her drunken binges at JPs Pub.  I must beg to disagree, because I know for a fact that she now has BUCKETS full of nothing but time.

First of all, her year long obsession with David The Swedish Exchange Student (DaTSES) has finally ended (see my post https://shibumo.wordpress.com/2012/11/27/david-the-swedish-exchange-student-give-me-back-my-friend/).  He has returned to the bosom of his biological family, though he misses San Diego greatly.  Topping his list of things he misses are the beach, the sun, and Sue driving him all over the damn place so he could keep up a social calendar that rivaled Paris Hilton’s.  No David equals more time.

No David

Also, her last child has graduated from elementary school.  She was quite the volunteer queen at our school, with her capable fingers in lots of pies (Yearbook, Art Program, Jogathon, Fall Fest, PTA, yada, yada, yada…).  Here she is, bull horn in hand, directing the peons.

SONY DSC

And below, attending a monthly school spirit meeting.  The depth of her devotion really had no END!

Sue.tribal

But now that that’s all done with now.  Which leaves her what???  MORE TIME.

One thing that hasn’t changed is how much time she has to spend on her hair, but there is nothing to be done about that.  It is kind of curly, just a little bit, and on bad days it takes some effort to get it under control.

Sue.hair

The other thing standing between Sue and FB diva status is, to be frank, her attitude.  Sue is kind of old-fashioned.  She has interesting views on “appropriate” attire for married women.

Sue.dress.2

And here she is driving kids to school.

Sue.driving kids

Finally, I think she may be a bit worried that getting on FB might draw her away from her family, that her online presence might detract from her flesh and blood life.  Who is she kidding?  She never sees her family anyway!  Her oldest son has gone feral.

Evan.camp

Her younger son has left home to take the helm and corner office in a Fortune 500 company.

Erik.plane

And she might not even recognize her husband if she passed him on the street.

Ed

I have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there are really no valid reasons for my friend Sue NOT to be on FB.  To quote Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the occasion of his first inaugural address on March 4, 1933:

“So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days.”

Sue…

Shrug off your unjustified terror of social media which paralyzes your attainment of a FB page!

Convert your retreat from interconnectedness with your friends and people you haven’t seen face to face in decades into an advance into the digital age!

Give your support to me, your friend Mo, which will be essential for my victory, in these critical days of trying to propel you onto the modern stage.

I am convinced that my friend Sue will give me that support, that she will throw off the shackles of the 20th century to emerge, as pure as a stream of fresh-scrubbed electrons, into the 21st century.

Thank thee for thy time good reader.

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Filed under Facebook Humor, Tierrasanta Tattler

Don’t Post Pictures of Me on Facebook!

A friend stopped by to visit today who is from out of town.  He grew up here in San Diego, but now lives in Philly.  Our families see each other a few times a year.  I thought it was fun that we had dressed alike; jeans, white shirt, sandals, and got my husband to take a picture of us.  Innocent enough.  Or so I thought!

I made an offhand comment about putting it on my Facebook page, and my friend, whose real name is Michael but who I will refer to by the code name “Mike” in this post to protect his identity, said,

“I don’t let people post pictures of me on Facebook.”

I’m pretty sure he isn’t in the witness protection program, so that got me to thinking.  Maybe he is right, maybe we shouldn’t be posting pictures of ourselves all over Facebook, because there is some pretty damning stuff out there.  I went back and looked through some old photos (“Mike” and I met in 1989), and sure enough, there was plenty there that no one in their right mind would want plastered all over the internet for eternity, or at least until The Rapture (when you are either in heaven enjoying your 72 virgins or are still back on Earth desperately trying to find a Starbucks that is still serving).

So take a stroll down memory lane with my friend “Mike” and me, as I turn over all the rocks, open all the closets, and lance all the boils from our sordid past!

The fateful picture that started it all.  Mike's face has been obscured to protect his identity (hint, he's not a redhead).

The fateful picture that started it all. Mike’s face has been obscured to protect his identity (hint, he’s not really a redhead).

This was such a crazy night!  Mike and I were hanging out in my bar in Nepal, actually he was mostly just watching while I drank a table full of goat herders UNDER THE TABLE!  We were all totally having fun, and then this jerky German dude shows up and gets all aggro about some  medallion.  Ruined our night.

This was such a crazy night!  Mike and I were hanging out in my bar in Nepal, actually he was mostly just watching while I drank a table full of goat herders UNDER THE TABLE!  We were all totally having fun, and then this jerky German guy shows up and gets all aggro about some medallion. Ruined our night.  Whatever dude.

Can you say KARYOKE!  Well Mike and I can.  Mike is a HUGE Justin Timberlake fan,

Can you say KARYOKE! Well Mike and I can. Mike is a HUGE Justin Timberlake fan, and when he heard that Justin and Janet Jackson were doing the half time show at the Superbowl in 2004 he insisted that we get dressed up just like them and sing along during their performance.  This picture is soooo embarrassing, because black leather jumpsuits are, like, totally out of fashion!  If you think THIS picture is bad, you should see the ones after it that even I refuse to put on the web.  Wardrobe malfunction indeed!

Mike and I can tell you from experience that you have never truly partied until you've done it with a Russian.  Something about centuries of suffering under feudalism, only to have it replaced by a totalitarian communist government, and then only to have that replaced by nepotistic oligarchs and former KGB goons, they party to the extreme.  Too many years of killing for the last bottle of vodka off of the state run shelves means NOTHING is off limits.

Mike and I can tell you from experience that you have never truly partied until you’ve done it with a Russian. Maybe it has something to do with centuries of suffering under feudalism, only to have that replaced by a totalitarian communist government, and then only to have that replaced by nepotistic oligarchs and former KGB goons.  Or with having to kill for the last bottle of vodka off of the nearly empty state run store shelves.  Mike and I ran into Boris Yeltsin one night and there was no stopping him, he kept us out until 6:00, A.M.!!!  I thought the dress was cute at the time, but now I think I look like Marcia Brady.

One word.  Vegas.

One word. Vegas.

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Filed under Facebook Humor, Humor

I am My Facebook Page and My Facebook Page is Me

Katie Roiphe wrote an article recently called “Disappearing Mothers”, about women of a certain age whose Facebook pages reflect not themselves and their accomplishments, but focus instead on their cherubic children (http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/0bf95f3c-f234-11e1-bba3-00144feabdc0.html#axzz265rpdZPH).  Being a true Wellesley Woman myself, this in no way applies to my FB page.  Peruse some of my recent posts to see what I mean.  Perhaps I don’t focus on my children, because my life is simply too full of my own accomplishments to focus on theirs.  How many kids do I have again??

FB Nobel.2

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Filed under Facebook Humor, Humor