Monthly Archives: January 2013

I Cleansed the Evil Spirit of Rush Limbaugh From My Colon, Just in Time for Inauguration

It all started just after the election.  Yes, THAT election, the one that drove a stake into the heart of die-hard Republicans everywhere, the election that returned Barack HUSSEIN Obama to the office of the Presidency of the United States.  Cramps, pain, increasing discomfort in my lower digestive tract.  I couldn’t figure it out.  Nothing much had changed, I hadn’t been sick, I hadn’t altered my diet.  Why was the source of these uncomfortable feelings?

Finally, in utter desperation, I did a cleanse.  I know, everyone has heard the rapturous descriptions of how people’s lives are changed from gastric cleansing.  Coffee ground-green tea-pomegranate-acai berry purges that scrub you down to your very DNA.  Was I sceptical?  Yes.  Was I desperate??  Oh yes.  So I did it, I cleansed.  And thank God I did, since I am sure it saved my life.  You see, unbeknownst to me, the evil spirit of Rush Limbaugh had possessed my colon.  And here’s the proof.

Here it is, the evil spirit of Rush Limbaugh, recently voided from my colon.

Here it is, the evil spirit of Rush Limbaugh, recently voided from my colon.

Don’t ask about my solid gold toilet.  That is for another day, another post.  Suffice it to say it involved an Arab sheik and matters of national security.  Look at what emerged from my nether regions following a 3 day uber cleansing of my system!!!  I am not crazy!  THAT IS RUSH LIMBAUGH!!!   Now, I never in a billion, trillion years thought I would post a photo of the contents of my (solid gold) toilet, but how could I keep this miracle to myself?  What about my duty to humanity?  Now granted, my Rush poop will never be venerated like the Shroud of Turin, the shrine of Lourdes, or the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese, but I had to record its existence for posterity.

A casino bought this grilled cheese sandwich for $28,000.  Too bad I flushed my Rush poop, maybe Sean Hannity would have ponied up a bit of the green stuff for it...

A casino bought this grilled cheese sandwich for $28,000. Too bad I flushed my Rush poop, Sean Hannity might have ponied up a bit of the green stuff for it…

The picture I snapped is all that remains of my fecal phantasmagoria.  That, and my everlasting relief that I did that cleanse before the Inauguration.  Can you image what would have happened if that had been inside me still, while B. Hussein O. was standing on the steps of the capitol, taking up the reins of power as all the world looked on?  Rosemary’s baby meets Alien meets that awful scene from Austin Powers when he accidentally drinks diarrhea.  (N.B., If you haven’t already, put down the mocha latte).  Happily, that did not come to pass, and I am still here and able to sing along with incomparable Nina Simone.

“It’s a new day, it’s a new dawn, it’s a new life for me…and I’m feeeeeeeeelin’ good.”

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Filed under Humor

Adorable Cats

As I get older, I find I can no longer ignore the cat lady who is trying to scratch and claw her way out of my seemingly extra-normal exterior.  Thus I am giving in and putting an adorable cat post on my blog.  So gird yourselves, screw your courage to the sticking place, and forge ahead, as I put up on the web for all to see…photos of the CUTEST CATS EVER!

For your viewing pleasure, a photo gallery of our four cats through the years; Enzo, Bella, Jacques, and Julius.  Even though most of you aren’t lucky enough to know them or have known them, these photos will give you insight into their moods, thoughts, hopes, and dreams…

Intrigued

Julius.lookinh

Julius on high.

Distinguished

Enzo.yard

The irreplaceable Enzo.

Beckoning

Bella.upclose

Bella girl cat.

Curious

Julius and Bella checking out the tree cutter guys in the canyon.

Julius and Bella checking out the tree trimmer guys in the canyon.

Melancholic

Julius on a rainy day.

Julius on a rainy day.

Content

Cat napping on a lap.

Cat napping on a lap.

Fixated

Killer instinct.

Ready to pounce.

Balanced

Sunning on the balcony.

Sunning on the balcony.

Shameless

What a nice belly!

Look at my belly!

Chillaxed

The Dude abides.

The Dude abides.

Dreamy

"I love Mo so much, all I do all day is lie around and think about her and how amazingly perfect she is."

“I love Mo so much, I just lie around all day and think about her …”

Peaceful

My first and best kitty.

My first and best kitty, Mr. Enzo.

Cats as Kids

Emma with baby Jacques.

Emma with baby Jacques.

Julius.hat.100

Enzo wearing Emma’s baby hat.

My three babies.

My three babies.

Kids as Cats

Emma and Sam in their matching leopard suits.

Emma and Sam in their matching leopard suits.

Kids with Cats

Two cool guys just hanging out.

Two cool guys just hanging out.

Emma and Jacques.

Emma and Jacques.

Sam and kitten

Little Sam, little kitten

Bedtime buddies

Bedtime buddies

Parting Shot

Yes, even their butts are cute.

Yes, even their butts are cute.

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Filed under Humor

Big Trees, Big Snow, Big Fun, Big Bear

Mountains.carSam took this out of the car window on our way up into the San Bernardino Mountains to the village of Big Bear.  It is a very calm photo, which belies the fact that I was trying to micromanage my 10 year old son to take a photo at twilight through a car window while I was driving up a winding road near what was the end of a 7,000 foot elevation gain to a mountain ski village.  It was breathtaking to meander up that mountain at sunset, the snow and pine covered peaks in the foreground, the far away lower peaks varying degrees of misty blue in the distance.  Sam missed that photo, but I have it in my mind.  Absolutely beautiful.

Andrew worked his usual magic and found us a nice cabin near the village center.  The perfect size for the four of us, a yard for the kids to play around in the snow, a ten minute pleasant walk to the Copper Q for coffee and pastries in the morning, but by far the best thing about it was that across the street, about 50 feet from the front door, was an incredible sledding run.

Our kids are San Diego kids, and therefore are crazy for snow.  I grew up in Wisconsin, Andrew in Philly.  We grew up in the snow, and speaking for myself, I don’t have a very romantic view of the white stuff.  Our kids think of snow and they imagine Calvin and Hobbes rocketing down a perfect hillside on a perfect winter’s day on their perfect sled.  Well ladies and gentleman, this snow run we went down was pretty darn close to perfection.

It is actually an access road for forest rangers, and has the imaginative name of “Forest Ranger Road.”  But what it basically is is a groomed sledding hill.  It wanders up a hillside, has flattened snow and a defined route delineated by the edge of the road, and is incredibly scenic with tall pines, blue sky, and a view of Big Bear Lake from the top.  If you walk up for 5 to 10 minutes (the time depends on how much whining you do, and how many times you collapse, exhausted, into the snow on the side of the road), you are rewarded with a screaming run down on your sled of about 2 minutes.  Totally fun, and once Sam and Emma learned to steer with their hands and feet they had a cracking good time!

Of course I took photos of the kids sledding and playing in the snow, along with photos of trees, buildings, and whatever else took my fancy.  Kid photos are first, arty photos at the end.

Snow Play

Sam tossing snow.

Sam tossing snow.

Sam sledding.

Sam sledding.

Emma sledding.

Emma sledding.

Mom on her sled.

Mom on her sled.

Two kids, two sleds, one big tree.

Two kids, two sleds, one big tree.

Sammy snow angel.

Sammy snow angel.

Emma and her snowman.

Emma and her snowman.

Trudging up the hill...

Trudging up the hill…

Em+Dad

Emma and Dad on the amazing sledding run.

Near the top, lake in the background

Near the top, lake in the background

Snow balls, snow shovel, snow man, snow lovers.

Snow balls, snow shovel, snow man, snow lovers.

Sledding in the yard.

Sledding in the yard.

Sam and the snowball maker.

Sam and the snowball maker.

To tired to go on...leave us here...save yourself...

Too tired to go on…leave us here…save yourself…

Our Cabin

Emma on the lit up stairs leading down to our cabin.

Emma on the lit up stairs leading down to our cabin.

Hanging out after a fun day outside.

Hanging out after a fun day outside.

Sam in front of our cabin.

Sam in front of our cabin.

Buildings and Trees

Tree.base

Snowy hillside.

Snowy hillside.

Jeffrey Pine.

Jeffrey Pine.

I want wallpaper made from Jeffery Pine bark.

I want wallpaper made from Jeffery Pine bark.

White birch, blue sky.

White birch, blue sky.

Another picture of a pine tree, because I can't stop myself.

Another picture of a pine tree, because I can’t stop myself.

Abandoned cabin, snowy roof.

Abandoned cabin, snowy roof.

Front of barn.

Front of barn.

Pine cones on the ground.

Pine cone on the ground.

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Filed under Family, Travel

I Stole My Daughter’s Present and Made Art With It

Our friends the Tibbetts (see the 12 Tonys page and the post on Pretty Baby, Tony’s porche) gave Emma a present for Christmas.  A set of six small black canvases and some gel pens.  They have been sitting in the kitchen, waiting for Emma to open them up and use them.  She waited too long…

A bit of back story is required at this point.  The kids’ elementary school has a wonderful art program called Fine Artists.  The lessons are designed by our resident artist Kathleen Kane Murrell (http://kathleenkanemurrell.com/), who teaches them to the parents, who then teach them to the students.  The parents get to make the art themselves during workshops, and a recent lesson was based on decorated matchboxes by Picasso.  I thought my “identity box” was so much fun to make, since I really, really like little things (see my post Microworlds).  I glued many things on that box, like a single purple plastic high top tennis shoe that I found on the ground a least a decade ago and have kept for no particular reason since.  I also glued things with particular meaning to me, like a small Buddha because I collect them, and a thimble because I sew sock dolls (see my post It is Every Sock’s Dream to Become a Sock Doll), and a grey cat because I must always own a grey cat (the current is Julius).  I enjoyed scouring the house, all my shelves, and bowls, and hidey holes, for small objects to attach to my box.

Mo.ID.box

Now, remember, these canvases are just sitting there in the kitchen, and I probably pass them by 4 or 5 times a day.  About a week ago, after the kids were in bed, I was hanging out by the fire in the living room, and checked out the bookshelves for something to page through before bed.  I lit on Mixed-media Doll Making by O’Brien and Opie.  There is a chapter on making dolls using a canvas turned backwards as the body (this creates a small space or stage to work in), and then attaching found objects for the head, arms, and legs.  AHHH, those little canvases, just sitting there, for like, at least a week and a half…

In my defense, I did invite Emma AND Sam to make a canvas doll with me, they both declined.  So the other night I broke out the paints and papers, dug through boxes and drawers, got out all my beading and button bins, and went to town.  The result is six little canvas dolls, ready to hang on the wall.  Since I also stole Emma’s angel coin for “Guardian Angel”, she has claimed that one to hang by her bed.

So this is a warning to all of Emma’s and Sam’s friends and relatives.  If you are going to give them presents, clothing in their size (not socks, since I make sock dolls!), toys, or books would be a better option than art supplies, since I obviously have no shame about pilfering presents.  But as I like to remind them, I gave them the gift of life, so they are forever in my debt.

Guardian Angel

Guardian.angel.3

Samurai

Samuai.2

Heartbreak

Brokenhearted.2

Universe Man

Universe.man.2

Oh Canada

Oh.Canada

Good Doggie

Fido

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Filed under Arts/Crafts/Photography