This is a plea to David The Swedish Exchange Student (DaTSES). He is spending the year with my friend Sue, her husband Ed, and their two sons Evan and Erik. And a tortoise named Trevor, though Trevor hibernates for 6 months. Lucky Trevor. At least HE won’t have his heart broken.
Anyway, you would have thought Sue’s life was already a full and fulfilling one. Two wonderful children, a doting husband, and a great group of lovely friends. We all thought we were meeting her needs, but apparently not. So one day, out of the blue, he shows up. David. Wavy blond hair, blue eyes, charming smile. He shows up, AND TOTALLY TAKES OVER!
Suddenly, Sue turns into his Stepford mom.
“Sorry, I can no longer make the get together at Colleen’s new house…because David qualified for CIF in cross country this week!!! We just found out he’s getting an award at the Serra Cross Country banquet!!!
“I would love to do a holiday cookie party for my biological children and their little friends, but instead I am hosting a foreign exchange student potluck, because NOTHING is more fascinating than Foreign Exchange Students (FES’s).
I thought Swedes were nice.
So now I am brushing up on my Swedish, because I have a few choice things to say to DaTSES. I translated my remarks into Swedish so I am sure he understands. DaTSES, I AM SPEAKING DIRECTLY TO YOU!
“Varför vill du inte köra fort tillbaka till Stockholm, du body snatcher.”
“Why don’t you hightail it back to Stockholm, you body snatcher.”
“Dessa köttbullar ser läckra.”
“Those meatballs look delicious”
“Är detta vägen till Fjuckby?”
“Is this the way to Fjuckby*?”
Give me back my friend, David The Swedish Exchange Student.
*Fjuckby is the name of a village in Sweden. The residents applied to the National Land Survey of Sweden to have the old name of Fjukeby, a variant in usage until the 1930s, reinstated. Fjuckby contains both the rude Swedish word “juck” and its more recognizable English equivalent. The government agency denied their request. (http://www.thelocal.se/9322/20071206/)
My friend Sue The Stepford Mom (SuTSMo), saw my blog post and wrote a long comment/screed in response. See the comments section below. She also sent along these potential Christmas cards, asking me my opinion. I think she meant them as a rebuttal, but sadly they only serve as horrible confirmation. Excuse me now, I have to go plan the intervention.
Wait, did she say David has a brother?!?