First and foremost this is a love story.
Think Katherine Hepburn and Spencer Tracy, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, Anne Romney and her horse, Mitt Romney and his wallet, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson. I know, everyone thinks that last one is over, but I say not. Clearly, if you have looked at the photos in US Weekly of the alleged encounter between K-Stew and her former director Rupert Sanders in a car parked on the side of the road (which I felt I had to, to discuss them in this post), he is OBVIOUSLY just looking for HER KEYS! She dropped her keys people, Rupert is picking them up for her, that’s it, end of story. I can’t accept that Bella and Edward…I mean Kristen and Rob…could end this way. But I digress…
I got a call a few days ago from an old friend of the family, we used to see her every day, but she and my daughter have kind of lost touch over the years. She lives in L.A. now. She asked me if I would come up for a visit, so I hopped on the 5 North and was there in a couple of hours. I met her at her house, where she shared with me the greatest secret of her life.
Lala looked the same as ever, as if she hadn’t aged a day. Such a lovely shade of yellow, polished screen in the middle of her tummy, antenna and ears as perky as ever. But I noticed a shadow in her large eyes, and her smile seemed strained. I asked what was wrong, and she told me her heart had been broken and she wanted the world to know. Broken by Wen Jiabao, the Premier of the People’s Republic of China.
Our love, she said, was completely forbidden. I was hidden by him for years, whisked off to secret meetings where we stole a few precious hours of happiness. The only people I was allowed to tell were Tinky Winky, Dipsy, and Po, not even the giant baby in the sky or the Noo-Noo knew. Not that they were much help. Tinky Winky was so busy playing the field, he couldn’t understand my commitment to Wen, my willingness to sacrifice. Tinky wouldn’t know true love even if it walked up to him and tried to sell him a lifetime subscription to “Why Don’t You Find a Nice Girl and Settle Down?” magazine. Dipsy’s name didn’t come out of nowhere, and Po was so immature, that I was basically alone.
She paused for a moment, staring off into space. Not that it was all bad, she finally continued. I spent some of the happiest times of my life with him. She got out some photos to look at, her eyes misting up several times as she gazed down at all that was left of her moments in the sun with Wen Jiabao. Here, look at this one. We met President Obama, such a nice man, and I wore my fanciest pink tutu. He told me I looked beautiful, and that Sasha had one just like it.
Here is photo of us on one of the vacations we took together. It was my birthday, and Wen surprised me with a trip to the Great Wall. I don’t know what lie he came up with to keep his wife Zhang from finding out, but we spent 2 blissful days together.
Of course, it was very rare that we got away, between my television schedule and his running a country. And even when we were together, we had to pretend it was for something else, like our weekly Tai Chi class. It was difficult to be so close to him, and yet so far.
Well, we all know how the story ends, don’t we, Lala said with a combination of bitterness and regret in her voice. My show was canceled, he is still with his wife. I knew in my heart of hearts he would never leave her, but I kept on hoping, right up to the end.
It was time for me to go, I wanted to get back to San Diego by dinnertime. I gave her a hug, told her not to be such a stranger, that our door was always open. I inquired about her weekend, she told me she was thinking of looking up an old friend who has had some recent, highly-publicized romantic troubles of his own. Last I saw, she was Googling directions to Robert Pattinson’s lonely mansion, ready to lend him a plush yellow shoulder to cry on.